I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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