Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
