Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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