i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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