i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
