When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
