if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
