I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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