Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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