I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
