You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
