Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
it glows. i had to have it.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
