the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize