Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Drunk is a universal language darling
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
