i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
