I am in a vortex of obligation.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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