just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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