Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
