I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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