tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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