I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
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