i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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