Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
