Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Just pee around me
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
