dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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