I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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