I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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