He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
