my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
