There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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