I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize