Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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