Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
