its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
