Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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