its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
