i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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