eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
