Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
