Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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