Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
