so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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