i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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