I'm jealous of your bromance
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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