1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
