I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
