Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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