Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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