dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
