Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
porn star boner night. come get it.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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