I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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