does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
