my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
