don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
