Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
