the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize