Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
