so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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