Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
