Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize