I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
