My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
