he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
