So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
