Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize