Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
