Sry I called you an 8
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
