I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
