It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize