I want to make a zoo with you.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
