i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
