are you still at the devil's house?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
