She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
