I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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