Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize