So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
