The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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