i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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