wanna go halves on a baby?
I puked a lego.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
