There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
