I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
