Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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