dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
