why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
