A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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