thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize