my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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