96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
