i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
