if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm way too hungover for life right now
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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