My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I just found puke in my bra..
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
