If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
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