I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
