Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize