have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
