My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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