Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
