Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You are the jesus of drinking
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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