You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
