Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
