wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
