Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
