she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
